The Emigh family is coming to Oakland with a bang! Please enjoy this delightful introduction, written by Pastor John and Amy, with some help from the girls, Becky, Mandy and Charity!

Many people in our congregations have been asking for a small write up on our new Church wife and her pastor.  They are both happy to be here and look forward to working with us in proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ here at Oakland UMC!

Pastor John’s grandfather was a pastor/evangelist in the Methodist church, so Pastor John grew up with a P.K. mother who brought the children up deeply involved in the church.  Some of his best spiritual memories are of the little three point charge his grandfather pastored (in Central PA Conference) and of attending many revival services with his grandfather.

At a relatively young age Pastor John received Christ as Lord and Savior and continued to grow in the Lord, attending Sunday School and church regularly.  During His mid twenties God was calling Pastor John to a deeper commitment and closer walk with the Lord.  He answered an altar call at a small country church and has never looked back.  A few years later, being called into the ministry, he left behind his career and former life (but not his sense of humor) to become a pastor in the UMC.

Amy’s father was a career man in the Navy, based largely in Florida.  Being a “Navy Brat” (something Pastor John insists she has never outgrown), her family moved a lot.  Upon her father’s retirement, they settled in the Cochranton area.

Pastor John’s parents also moved a lot when he was young, but fortunately he always found them.  After a time, his parents gave up and settled permanently in the Cochranton area.  He wouldn’t go so far as to say he was a problem child- although his mom has only minor reservations about saying it.  Indeed, he was the first kid in the neighborhood  whose parents made his crib out of barbed wire.

After completing her High School education, Amy went to work in area rest homes as a Certified Nursing Assistant.  While working at one such establishment she discovered a senile old coot named John, who claimed to be the sole heir of the Howard Hughes fortune.   After the rigorous application of several gallons of Oil of Olay and Grecian Formula, this grumpy old man and her were married.  To this day Amy still slathers herself with copious amounts of Oil of Olay daily, and continues to shampoo regularly with Grecian.

Young and naive at the time, she soon realized her fairy tale romance and new groom’s story were largely myth.  There was a relative upside and downside to this turn of events.  On the upside, she remained in the same tax bracket.  On the downside she had to keep Pastor John.

The romance is still alive in their marriage.  When asked what keeps the spark alive in their relationship, they both answered: “A good sense of humor and because we share a mutual and common love….  chocolate chip cookies.”  Pastor John is also quick to add that another key to their marital success is that he makes it a point to never wake up grumpy… he lets her sleep in as late as she wants.  When adding this, he is also quick to duck.

Pastor John enjoys hunting and fishing.  He is always hunting for his glasses and fishing for a pair of matching socks.  Amy likes cooking and sewing.  She is always cooking up some trouble for him (like hiding his glasses) and needling him about his seeming penchant for mismatched socks.

They also enjoy sports.  As a matter of fact, many of you may not be aware of this but Pastor John won three gold medals in the 1988 Olympics on the American Volleyball team.  It was during this time that he broke up with Mary Lou Retton and married Amy, who was then captaining the girls volleyball team.

After the Olympics he then went on a whirlwind tour of the American Volleyball Association where he captained his three man team to 4 consecutive national championships, earning $4.5 million in the process.  He later invested his entire fortune in a now defunct chocolate chip cookie factory.  Official Chapter 11 reason for bankruptcy: “Someone ate up all the profits.”

Amy too would have won several gold medals and done some whirlwind touring of her own if Nancy Kerrigan had not hired someone to bust her kneecaps with a frozen salami.  Fortunately she soon recovered from this tragedy and went on to guest host “Regis & Kathie Lee” four times and then landing a late night talk show on KDKA radio.  Amy, however, did not recover quite so well and settled for a guest appearance on the “Jerry Springer Show.”

Pastor John wants to publicly and formally disavow himself from the erroneous material that Becky & Mandy insisted on including in this article.  He swears he has been hacked! Please come to church our first Sunday to meet the real me!  Mark your calendar- July 2nd, 2017.